My favorite thing as a depressed therapist who does depression research is when someone who has never been depressed, is not a therapist, and has never read a research article about probably anything tries to tell me what my “problem is”.
The conversation generally goes like this…
Me: “Blah, blah, blah everything sucks I kinda wanna die lol I’m worthless haha.”
Person: “You know what your problem is?”
Me: Yes, actually, I do, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me regardless.
Person: [insert pet theory about where my problems originated… examples include my parents’ divorce, my inner saboteur, and low self-esteem]
Me: “Thanks, Dr. Phil. I’ll keep that in mind.”
Person: “You should try yoga. Or get involved in some hobbies. Have you tried hiking?”
AMAZING!!! I’m cured, everyone. Sure I’ve had four years of undergraduate study, two+ years of graduate school, six consecutive years of research, and a full year as a therapist, but YOU- you have the answers.
Yes, I’ve heard of mindfulness, Barbara, I teach it. NEXT.
Yes, Brenda, I’ve tried “just doing more things”.
Thanks, Linda, I know ruminating isn’t helpful.
Oh Tammy, actually yeah I have been using a planner for a year.
Yes, Becky, I know it’s “all in my head”. That’s where depression lives. It’s literally called a “mental disorder”. It doesn’t make it make believe
Listen, unless you have some kind of degree that is more advanced than mine in my field, I don’t fucking want to hear it. Did I ask you for advice? NO. I was sharing my feelings with you because I thought we were friends and I could trust you. I don’t tell you how to live your life. I listen when you’re upset because- guess what- that’s all anyone ever really wants.
So, please, keep your unsolicited advice to yourself. I don’t care if crystals changed your life, Jennifer. I just want to complain for fifteen minutes. Is it so hard to say, “I’m sorry. That sounds like a lot to deal with. I hope things turn around for you,”? That’s all I need right now.
I
DID
NOT
ASK
FOR
ADVICE.
ALSO
YOU
ARE
UNQUALIFIED
TO
GIVE
IT.
That’s the end of my rant. Please tell me other people can relate to this?
Aggravatedly yours,
S.T.
Sad Therapist 
Ohhh yes!
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Yip, can definitely relate to this. People are stupid.
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Okay, I actually laughed at this. Sometimes in situations like this I get this strong urge to bang my head into a wall.
I’m sorry you feel like shit. I sincerely hope things turn around.
Throwing warm blankets, lots of chocolate and hugs if you want them.
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Man, I hear you. I’ve learned that I sort of have to be a different person with different people. With one friend I can be honest about having a panic attack right in that moment. With another I need to be less transparent because I know she will inadvertently hurt me by unsolicited advice (out of concern, of course). There is no magic formula. This is why I’m SO thankful for my therapist because he understands completely all of this shit. I just wish there was someone outside of his office that could “get me”, accept me, and not try to change me.
So that’s my rant. All that to say: hang in there. We’re listening. Not trying to “fix” you.
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You really make it appear so easy with your presentation but I to find this topic to be really one thing that I think I might never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and very large for me. I’m taking a look ahead for your subsequent submit, I will try to get the dangle of it!
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